Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Couch. On fire.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
