so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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