the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
