My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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