You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
