i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
