put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
