i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
