32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
