omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
you inspire me to be a worse person
There's always time for handjobs
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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