she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
