There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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