Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
