News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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