i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize