Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
There r osticjed everywhere
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
