Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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