I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
