He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize