What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
