i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
She bit a glass in half.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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