I love black thongs
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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