Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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