Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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