Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
vagina is talking i cant
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
