She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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