I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
whose ass print is on the piano?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
