Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
