Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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