remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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