hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
