Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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