Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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