you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Is it because I queefed?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
