well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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