i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
