I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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