My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize