and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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