God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize