i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
