i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
