Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
