So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
