Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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