Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
