Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
