So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
