Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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