Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
