He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
