So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
