What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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