Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
