She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
