the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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