I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
is that a dick in a sweater?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
