I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
