I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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