So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
