Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
