Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
