pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
