my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
