we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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