Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
