every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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