We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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